Excuuuuuse me, Princess, but this show is kind of lame

A few days ago I mentioned something about that Legend of Zelda show. I really love the Zelda games; I even bought a Gameboy link cable that I only used once just to be able to transfer data from one Gameboy with Oracle of Seasons in the cartridge bay to another Gameboy (which I borrowed) with Oracle of Ages. When the first game came out for the NES I thought it was the pinnacle of gaming (then again, I thought the same about many games), and thus I got excited when the TV said something about a cartoon show based on the game. I was like, "Cool--I get Super Mario Brothers AND Zelda in one show!"

To be honest, I still do sort of like the little cartoon, though probably not for the intended reasons. I like the cheesy "Excuuuuse me" line and I use it among my friends when I'm feeling a little sassy. I miss the times when I still had friends...

Uh, anyway, about the show. It doesn't deviate too much from the original premise of Zelda games: Ganon captures Zelda and Link has to rescue her, lather, rinse, repeat. Though I think she gets kidnapped a little too many times in the show. I also think Link has too much attitude compared to his silent, innocent, heroic videogame counterpart. But it had nice fight scenes, talking Triforce, and, fuck, it was Legend of Zelda, so like every easily-impressed child I followed the show and talked about it with my friends, etc.

Then I forgot about it completely until the other day when I made a reference to it. Like most other cartoons, it now seems corny and cheesy, and sort of blasphemous, because Link isn't even supposed to be talking that much, let alone talk trash. As well, he isn't supposed to be asking for anything in return, especially not favors of the flesh from none other than Princess Zelda herself. (Don't worry he just wanted a kiss on the cheek. What a dork.)

However, the thing that bugs me the most is the way Link and Zelda's characters are made to interact with each other. As you know, the Princess is way out of Link's league, him being a plain ol' sword-wielding hero of awesome summoned every now and then (actually quite often) to save Hyrule (just how many times does Ganon have to be killed?) and the Princess herself. In the TV show, it seems as if they're trying to develop a romantic link (har har..?) between the two. Because of this I got brainwashed into believing that Link heart Zelda when I played the games. And what the hell is Zelda doing fighting alongside Link, when the purpose of Link being there is to rescue her in the first place anyways?

The show got canceled after 13 episodes, because Super Mario Brothers got canceled. I don't know whether you think it's good or bad, but I think it's sort of a blessing in disguise. But you know, I'll buy the DVD just so I can re-enjoy the cheesiness. Why did we like cheesy things back then?

Captain N: The Game Master

Before everything else, I didn't mean my first 2 posts to both begin with the word "Captain"; that's really just how uncreative with titles people were back then.

I would also like to warn the reader that this show isn't exactly in the top of my list, and is a prime example of the kind of show we "got suckered into watching".

Captain N: The Game Master is an American cartoon series that combines the awesomeness of Nintendo with the marijuana and crack of American scriptwriters and animators. For starters, DiC, the animation studio, chose to shit-can the original concept as published in the Nintendo Power magazine, wherein Captain N ("N" obviously standing for "Nintendo") has to give life to various Nintendo Entertainment System video game characters in order to defeat a certain gone-haywire supercomputer named Mother Brain (perhaps in reference to the Mother Brain final boss in Metroid). Upon her defeat it is revealed that she is planning on making a comeback, which left open an opportunity to continue the story. So Nintendo hired DiC, forgot about the original story, and produced this travesty of a cartoon. That we all watched anyway.

The cartoon proper begins when main character Kevin Keene, together with his dog Duke, are sucked into a world called Videoland, which he must defend from the evil forces of Mother Brain (surprise). Armed with a Zapper (proprietary Nintendo product plug--a Zapper is basically the light gun you used to try to kill the dog in Duck Hunt, but only resulted in much frustration and disappointment), he must make his way into Mother Brain's floating fortress, called Metroid (surprise again). But our hero is not alone in his quest; an initially-reluctant band of comrades are there to aid him:

• Princess Lana- the rightful ruler of Videoland; she had no problems with N because she had no right to.
• Mega Man - our favorite creation of Dr. Light from the Mega Man series of games. Although the blue paint on his armor seemed to be fading in this series and is actually turning into a sort of light green. He also borrowed Protoman's visor for this series (just kidding; this is just DiC failing at actually knowing the characters they're animating). And he has two blasters instead of one.
  
• Kid Icarus - from a game of the same name, the toga-clad hero can fly, shoot arrows, and get his shit beaten up if he doesn't.
• Simon Belmont - never has there been as much blasphemy and sacrilege in the video game industry as when they designed Simon Belmont for this show. Simon Belmont, in his original game Castlevania, is a leather-clad whip-wielding generally badass vampire hunter, who is out to ruin Dracula's shit. However, in the series, they turned him into a vain, arrogant sonofabitch who doesn't even carry his trademark weapon (well he does, just not in the way he did in Castlevania). And his costume suggests that he might have been the prototype design for Duck Tales character Launchpad. And he generally isn't badass at all; in fact he looked and sounded like the biggest pussy ever. Compare:

Left: Simon Belmont from Castlevania - total badass
Right: Simon Belmont from Captain N - flailing bag of cock

Other popular Nintendo characters make an appearance too, such as Link (from Legend of Zelda), Donkey Kong (from Donkey Kong, duh), and "Dr. Wright" (who is obviously Dr. Light from Mega Man), but they are only secondary characters, and we didn't get to see them that often either. Link has his own show, by the way. Find out more by following this link (ha ha).

So they team up and fight against villains, most notably Mother Brain (of course), some eggplant-looking dood, and Dr. Wily (from Mega Man).

The show ran in episodic format, and each episode is supposedly based on the videogame it is titled after (for instance, the episode titled "Final Fantasy" should have a world based on the Final Fantasy game). However, American cartoon companies being what they were, the protagonists of the game worlds were mostly absent, and only very few elements of the original game are used in the episodes.

Today, many people are embarrassed to admit that they watched this show as a kid (myself included, but you will never really find out who "iluvgirlswithglasses" is, will you). Still, it was one of the mainstays of our Saturday mornings when we were children, when we were still too young to notice that DiC virtually mutilated several video games in one fell swoop. What's funny is Nintendo actually supported this show. Shouldn't they have known better?

Captain Planet and the Planeteers

"With your powers combined, I am Captain Planet!"

Captain Planet and the Planeteers was an environmental "edutainment" program created in collaboration by Ted Turner and Andy Heyward. The story revolves around 5 teenage kids who receive the power to control the elements (the Planeteers). These powers, given in the form of rings, were given to them by Gaea, who could no longer stand the destruction of the planet due to industrial and technological activities. When they combine their powers, they are able to summon Captain Planet, super-guardian of the environment.

Each Planeteer comes from a different part of the globe, and possesses a different elemental power. Kwame, from Africa, holds the power of earth, enabling him to mold the Earth's crust into anything he pleases. Wheeler, a North American, has the power of fire, and he can summon flames from out of nowhere and control them. Linka, from the Soviet Union (and later, Eastern Europe) is given the power of wind, which lets her create anything between breezes and tornadoes. Gi, from Asia, has the power of water, which allows her to summon water and create floods as long as there is a body of water or a source of water nearby. Incidentally, she has a pet dolphin. Finally, Mati, from South America, is bestowed the power of heart. Although it is unclear as to what exactly this power does, what can be derived is it can put any animal under Mati's control so they can do his bidding. Although they can fight as individual units, when things get tough, the Planeteers can point their rings into the sky and combine their powers. The result of this combination is the appearance of the show's title hero, Captain Planet.

The show ran in episodic format, wherein every episode featured a new (or at least different) villain with a different evil scheme. In almost all instances the episode would end upon summoning Captain Planet and having him defeat the bad guys with the powers of nature. However, some episodes may span more than one episode; this usually happens when either Captain Planet or the Planeteers are temporarily weakened. Toxic waste weakens the Planeteers when it gets on their rings, and Captain Planet when it covers the large emblem on his costume.

The show began airing in 1993 spanned 113 episodes and became one of the longest-running cartoon series of the 90s. It also won multiple awards for educational programming and raising awareness of the environment.

All that aside, however, Captain Planet is not exactly as squeaky-clean as Gaea wants the environment to be. The show paints industries and companies who naturally produce environment-unfriendly waste as a byproduct of operations as evil guys. Although, to their defense, the villains in the show seemed like polluting the environment is their business; however, there are many legitimate industries working for the betterment of humanity who will also be seen as evil because of the show's narrow concept of "evil".
In general, we all enjoyed this show as kids (as we were yet unaware of the concept of "political correctness" at that point in our lives) and was one of the more memorable Saturday morning cartoons that has become a classic today.

Hello world!

Helo, testing